How To Write An Effective Sales Message  
Copyright M. Kay duPont, CSP, CPDT

The sales letter is the backbone of your business because it’s most often the way companies find out who you are and what you do. It’s also the most important nonverbal image people have of you and of your company. The way you communicate on paper is an indication to customers of your personality, dependability, credibility and professionalism. Your letters, proposals, emails, memos or marketing materials are often the first—and sometimes the only—image people have of you. According to Mass Communications Theories and Research (Alexis S. Tan), written messages are more effective in affecting attitudes than either live, videotaped or audiotaped messages.

Here are 11 easy ways to generate more results from your promotional materials, get better response to your proposals, and achieve more positive answers to your client letters. Just remember that good letter writing is not something that comes naturally. It comes with experience and practice; it requires logic and sensitivity.

Stay Current. Your correspondence needs to be as up to date as your products and services. And, just as your products have changed in the past 10 years, so have the rules of written communication. The correct forms of spelling, punctuation, sentence structure, word usage, and addressing have all changed. Not using currently accepted correspondence styles and rules is as bad as trying to sell items that have been outdated for a decade. It doesn’t convey a quality, up-to-date image of you, and people may react negatively. Today’s reader is kinder, simpler, less complex, and if you’re still writing in yesterday’s style, you’re not making contact. That can cost you money.

So use contractions, active verbs and personal pronouns. Start sentences with conjunctions and end them with prepositions if that’s the way it sounds best. Check a current dictionary to see if your spelling is up to date.

Be Clear. Readers shouldn’t have to read between the lines to get your message. And they won’t work very hard to figure out what you’re talking about. (It’s especially important to simplify when you’re writing complex material.) The average American reads at the eighth-grade level so, after you’ve prepared a letter, promotional piece or proposal, ask a 13-year-old to read it and strike all of the words and sentences that aren’t easy to read. To make sure your writing is clear: 

• Before you begin writing, organize your thoughts to make sure each point is in logical order. Tie your thoughts together with parallel construction and transitional words and phrases such as however, therefore, thus, on the other hand. An outline will help you know what you want to say, how you want to say it, and what details need to be included.
• Get straight to the point. When you have something to say, be direct. Avoid “iffy” words and phrases, and be as definite as you can.
• Whenever possible, choose a plain style over a fancy one. Putting simple ideas in ornate language is poor writing. Simple, precise words like tell have almost disappeared from business writing to be replaced by indicate, signify, or suggest. They shouldn’t have.
• Tell the readers what your message is about in the first paragraph. Don’t keep people guessing; they’re as busy as you are.
• Say what you mean and ask for what you want (including the sale). Rather than saying, “I’m enclosing a brochure for your review,” say, “As you requested, I’m enclosing a brochure. Please look over my line before Tuesday; I’ll call you then to further discuss your needs.” Ask for what you want and you’ll probably get it. There’s one catch, however: You have to know what you want before you begin to write.

Be Concise. Words are a lot like extra pounds: the more you have, the worse the whole package looks. Your correspondence should be only as long as necessary to get your message across.

Ask yourself, “What do I want from this reader?” or “What am I trying to accomplish?” Think it over until you can state your purpose in one simple sentence. Then edit ruthlessly. Remember that the story of creation in Genesis has only 400 words, the 10 commandments only 297, and the Declaration of Independence only 1,321. The people who wrote those important documents knew a very basic selling secret: A short message can gain interest, arouse desire and convince people; a long message can lose everything.

• Use short sentences. Reading tests show that the shorter the sentence, the easier it is to read. One of the best ways to eliminate the too-long sentence is to replace connectives such as and and but with a period. If you need the conjunction for continuity, start the next sentence with it.
• Use strong, simple words instead of phrases: recommend instead of make a recommendation, ask instead of ask a question, then instead of at that point in time.
• Avoid old words, such as in order to/for, upon, unto, to wit. Use active verbs instead of words that require make, give, take, come or find. Avoid words that end in -ive, -sion, -ment, -tion, -nation,
  -ancy. Delete myself from your vocabulary.
• Try to keep your emails to a maximum of one screen, letters to one page, pages to 5 paragraphs, paragraphs to 10 sentences, sentences to 20 words and words to 3 syllables. The longer the message is, the less likely it is to be read. The question is not “Should I put it in?” but “Can I leave it out?”

Write the Way They Like to Read. Your readers are not just names on your address line—they are real people. So watch those first 5 or 6 words. Make them strong, but friendly. Also:

• Be yourself. Visualize your readers and write as though you were talking face-to-face—in a natural, conversational style. A pompous-sounding message will annoy most readers. Write “Please return one copy to me,” not “It is my desire that a copy be signed and retained forthwith to this office.” This doesn’t mean your messages have to be dull, of course. It just means that a friendly conversational tone will more likely make sure your message is noticed.
• Don’t treat your readers like a statistic. Phrases such as, “We note from our records” or “Our records indicate” destroy the personal element of your message and make readers feel like a ledger entry.
• Don’t be overly personal. Don’t call customers by first name unless you have established a relationship. If you have talked with them enough to call them by their first name on the phone, use it in writing; otherwise, use a courtesy title. If you are mass writing to a group of people, avoid outdated phrases such as Gentlemen or Dear Sir or Madam. Use nothing at all or use their job title (Dear Personnel Manager) or use Good Morning. Always use a courtesy title in your inside address (the name line) if you know it; it’s still a sign of respect.

Use You Often. Everyone likes attention. The more you use you and your in your messages, the better the results you will get. Pick out one of your usual client letters or emails and count the number of times you use I, we, us, the name of your company, etc., vs. the number of times you use you and your. The ratio needs to be at least two to one in favour of the client. Never, however, use you with negative words and phrases such as failed or didn’t call me back.

• Frame your message around your relationship. Find a client’s (or employee’s or manager’s) buying reason while you’re on the phone or in that person’s office, then paint vivid word pictures around it in your message. Put yourself in the minds of your clients. Use the same words they use to describe their situation. If they call it a conference, call it a conference, not a convention. If they call their people supervisors, don’t call them managers. Identify their problems and needs as they see them. Motivate them by mentioning the features they will see as benefits.

Tell Them Plainly Why You’re the Best. Give them an overview of your years in business, your key customers (some of whom they should be familiar with), and a brief background of you or your key people. Clients want to be assured that you are a legitimate business organization and a knowledgeable representative.

• Tell them why your product or service is best. Answer their questions before they have to ask them: “What do you offer? What does that mean to my organization? What will it do for me and my group? Who else has used you?” Tell them the benefits of using your company in terms of profits, satisfied customers, less turnover, savings of time/money/ effort, reduction of overhead, less down time, fewer complaints. Talk in terms of investment, profit from increased efficiency, time savings. Anything that will save money for your clients will make it worth spending a little money on you.
• Offer a full guarantee if possible. “We have a full money-back guarantee. If this program doesn’t improve your company’s efficiency by 25% this year, we’ll return your investment—no questions asked.” No gain, no pain.

Open and Close with Something Fresh. Let’s face it: The hardest part about writing a letter, email, memo, or other document is getting started. We know what we want to say, but we feel like we have to be formal when we start. We don’t! Just use a short opening sentence (like a handshake) and get to your point. Don’t waste your opening—the strongest part of your message—on unimportant background information. If you don’t capture the attention of readers in your first paragraph, they may not read the rest. “Enclosed herewith,” “ I am happy to answer your letter,” “You called and asked me for some information and I am enclosing same” and other such familiar openings are not fresh.

• “Thank you” is always fresh to the reader and builds rapport. “Thank you for spending time with me on the phone today. I’m excited about introducing you to our product line.” Then get to the point.
• Make your readers feel they’re going to gain something by reading on. Keep it brief, and don’t repeat things they already know. Try to include something that will appeal to each reader’s self-interest.
• Use fresh closings too. “If you have any further and additional questions, please feel free and do not hesitate to contact me at the above-referenced number” turns you into one of the Pilgrims. “Call me if I can send you anything else” sounds like a real person.
• Also avoid overly formal closings such as “Yours very truly” or “Very respectfully yours.” Use today’s short closings: “Sincerely” for a formal feeling, “Cordially” for a friendly feeling, “Regards” for special people. “Thank you” always works as a closing too.

Avoid Prejudicial Writing at All Costs. The cultural situation is too touchy right now to take chances with using words such as salesman, secretary, superior or subordinate. Managers are no longer usually men and assistants are no longer usually women, and even the generic he has been replaced by the generic they.

Write In the Positive. Negative writing runs the risk of generating a negative response; positive writing is more likely to get a positive response. Even if it’s a touchy subject, such as an overdue payment, the right choice of words can give your message positive direction.

• Never tell your clients what you can’t do; tell them what you can do. Never tell them what you don’t offer; tell them what you do. Never tell them when you aren’t available; tell them when you are.
• In general, use not only when you feel like underlining it. (“The check was late.” vs. “The check was not on time!”) The reader will be more receptive to what you have to say.
• Yale University says these are the 12 most positive, persuasive words in our language. Use them freely in your writing: you, money, save, new, easy, free, guarantee, love, discovery, results, health and proven.

Use Testimonials and Contacts. Give contact names and numbers in your letter. Third-party endorsements are a powerful persuader. Clients want their buying decision to be as objective as possible, and most realize that salespeople are slightly biased toward our own products and services.

Be Image-Conscious. When your message is finished, check it one more time. Ask yourself these final review questions:

• Did I state my purpose straightforwardly and directly?
• Is the letter geared toward my reader?
• Did I talk normally and conversationally?
• Did I anticipate the client’s questions and answer them as I wrote?
• Are my sentences complete, rhythmical units for the eye and ear?
• Are my paragraphs divided into separate thoughts or subjects?
• Did I use you more than I?
• Have I varied my sentence length and structure?
• Is the opening clear? Does it make the reader want to continue?
• Is the closing succinct and purposeful?
• Is the tone appropriate for the purpose?

If you can answer “yes” to these questions, you probably have an excellent sales message and your chances of getting the business (or the response you want) are super!

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